Enjoy the English letter from an italian man, a complain letter to a hotel in London.

Dear Signore Directore,

Now i am a -tella you story how I was a treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga Christian man at your hottella... When i comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed-how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? so I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanna shit!" They tella me "Go to toilet." I say:"No,no. I wanna shit in my bed." They say:"You better not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch!" What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante,I order bacon and eggs and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast, I tella waitress, and pointa of toast:" I wanna piss !" She tella me:" Do to toilet." I say:"No,no. I wanna piss on my plate!" She then say to me:" you bloody hella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch!" Second person who do not even know me calla me sonnawabitch! What is a sonnawabitch? Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress:"i wanna fock." And she tella me: " Sure, everyone wanna fork!" I tella her: No,no. you don't undderstand me. I wanna fuck on the table!"She tella me:" So you sonnawabitch wanna fuck on the table!" Get your ass out of here!"

So I go to receptions and ask for a bill I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. when i have paid the billa, the portier say to me:"Thak you, and peace on you.

I say:" Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch! I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay your hotella no more, you sonnawabitch!"

Sincerely

Enrico Moralli